Man down
 
“I wish I could show you,
when you are lonely or in darkness,
the astonishing light of your own being.”
Hafez
 
Ah, James
party buddy
frisbee partner
coastline walker
witty talker
mushroom hunter
mandala maker
plant whisperer
music lover
dancefloor groover
funny and faithful
friend

you
beautiful, fragile
(occasionally really annoying)
ever so human being

it’s ages since we last saw one another
but I left you two messages this week
inviting you over for dinner
and you never replied
because you'd already killed yourself

What kind of excuse is that?

I woke this morning long before dawn
with your life and death and friendship and suffering beating within my heart
played “Another One Bites The Dust” in honour
of your dark sense of humour
and your love of a good tune

And at the break of the day
I walked down to a mercurial sea
overseen by a bright waning moon hovering high above the cliffs
and on the edge of the shore
I let the incoming waves of your shocking departure
unburden my belly of grief
felt the absence of your presence
and the presence of your absence
and the nonsense of it all

let them salty tears fall
let them salty tears fall

And then
with futile rage
across the oceans of time and space I roared
“James, you fucking twat!
James, you fucking twat!”

Because all of our love
and all of our grief
can never bring you back
my friend
can never bring you back



(peace to you, buddy
peace, perfect peace)